Constance Hall and the F Bombs

Being REAL in a world full of curated gorgeousness is so needed.  We are all so desperate for a breath of fresh air!

'A Queen is a woman who just wants to love other women and not do that bitchy thing that so many of us do,' says Constance Hall.
‘A Queen is a woman who just wants to love other women and not do that bitchy thing that so many of us do,’ says Constance Hall.  (photo source abc.net.au)

 

Constance Hall is refreshingly real. She’s the actual ‘Bad Mom’ (have you seen that movie?  I hated it, but I got what they were trying to say… it’s time to let go of the ridiculousness between women that exists in mama-land).  She’s a skate-in-sideways chick. An Australian sensation, mother of 4 and insanely popular mummy blogger. And she has just released a book. It’s about her, about mothering four kids. It’s a no-holds-barred look at relationships and life after babies.

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Today I went to her book release Q & A session hosted by The Women’s Collective and the Pullman Hotel in Auckland. I knew she would be irreverant, I knew there would be some shock-factor stuff, because that is her trade. I knew there would be challenging statements, because she is the Constance Hall of the recent social media cyclone over the ditch (a fellow mummy blogger let rip about Con’s manner of mothering and Con retaliated. It sparked a ‘mum war’ on the internet). I stayed well clear of it because I hate the nastier side of social media. It makes me so sad.  But I was curious about this raw kind of mother. The tell-all kind of mum. It bucks the trend alright, I wanted to see if she was just a sensationalist, or if there was something deeper driving her work.

Me and my fellow Queens this morning, Trudy and Pascale.
Me and my fellow Queens this morning, Trudy and Pascale.  Yep, I am a Big Bird, and no, I am no longer going to stoop to try to be more diminutive than I am!  #tallgirlsproblems

I was fascinated. Con (we’re at nickname status already cos that is how she rolls) blew onto the stage like a kind of mini tornado. Her hair was frizzy in a way I recognise from my own morning mirror, but on top of it she was wearing a crown of flowers and jewels. She’s tiny in stature and massive in presence. You could say she kind of exploded onto the podium like a freak weather bomb; blowing in out of nowhere and taking off the roof.  Within two minutes she had reassured us that she was wearing undies, unlike the other four days she’d been in New Zealand, because she’d be catching a plane later and she needed somewhere to hide her wee. Her humour is as raw as she is and the whole way through her talk, f-bombs exploded like colourful fireworks, punctating her florid discussion. She’s kind of like what would happen if you could cross Frida Kahlo with Reese Witherspoon and Whoopi Goldberg. Kapow!

I loved her. I think everyone in the room did. I loved that she said out loud some of my hidden, inner thoughts. I even loved all the f-bombs, because they made us laugh. I dated a comedian in my younger years, he always said that people laugh at what they relate to, especially when it is rude. And because every human being can relate to toileting, sex and death, regardless of their individual circumstances, most comedy covers these subjects. It’s just funny for us to see our not-talked-about experiences mirrored by others. It makes us feel more normal. Apart from wees and poos, Con’s Q & A covered: marital sexy time, break-ups, behaviour management (of kids and husbands), dealing with a history of abuse, death of children and grandparents, suicide, wine, why it’s best not to fight in front of kids, the age-old working mum vs. stay at home mum debate, the importance of support, multiple birth mothering, dyslexia, The Sisterhood, dealing with judgmental people and the importance of connection.

I can’t wait to read her book; Like a Queen. She’s just adorable. She makes the very hard job of mothering feel so much more achievable. She makes us feel like we’re doing a great job. Like everyone has days when it goes to custard. I think we forget that, in our intensity around getting it right.  We forget to cut ourselves some slack occasionally. We forget that having a loving mother is much more important than any other type of benefit we can achieve for our kids.  That having a loving mother is more than many kids have.

There were tears today from we women in that packed out auditorium. Tears of recognition and relief.  I’ve come a long way since the early days of parenthood and my babies are much older than most of the little ones at the venue today, but the message was as relevant to me as for the new mums there.
Take a deep breath. Do you love your kids? Do they know it? Love wins, every time. And you know what? Extending a bit of that love in your own direction is a brilliant idea too from time to time. Might just stop you from losing your mother-f#$%ing mind!

This afternoon, I’m going to assess the impact of Cyclone Con. I reckon she demolished a few of the ideas in my head that were damaging my peace of mind. I am grateful. Who needs perfectionism anyway? All it has ever done for me is give me reasons to feel like a failure.  Good to see that particular idea hitting the dirt. And what  purpose comparison? See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya. And that ol’ flower, success? It’s moved into a new neighbourhood. Into the love camp. Over there I am already a raging success and that matters more than anything else.  I’m going to make like Queen Con, and take heart that my heart is the most important part of mothering.

Open your windows, let the winds of change blow out some of your cobwebby corners, too. It’s liberating!

If you’re keen, you can buy Like a Queen, here: www.likeaqueen.com.au

The Reality Slap: Giveaway!

I’ve been banging on a lot lately about Mr Russ Harris.  His books were introduced to me by my Health Psychologist, Anna.  I have found his book to be easy-to-read, helpful and realistic.  Really practical.  And it is not just good for those of us with chronic illness.  It’s good for anyone who has been slapped by reality and is struggling to wrap their heads around it.  Maybe that’s you?  Maybe it is someone you know and love and you don’t know how to help them.  Russ knows.   Being a bloke, he is also a really valuable read for guys you might know who have been slapped around a bit by reality. He writes like man.  Straightforward, to the point and full of things you can actually do to make a difference.  He has suffered his own reality slap, so it’s not just rhetoric.  It’s relatable and incredibly useful, especially if their reality slap is coming to terms with a loved one’s diagnosis (how many of us know someone cracking that particular walnut)!

I am always on the lookout for giveaway possibilities.  I seriously love giving pressies, so I guess this is an extension of that.  It occured to me that I am not the only one that could benefit from The Reality Slap.  So I ordered two.  One for me, and maybe, one for you!  If you think you, or someone you know, could benefit from this book, why not enter?  Or feel free to share this giveaway with people you know who might need a chance to enter the comp.  There is a facebook share button below.

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To be in the competition, just make a comment, in around 25 words or less, below. You must use the words “reality slap” somewhere in your comment, by the end of Sunday 14 September, 2014 (NZ time). 


You can write in sentences, you can write poetry, you can use your words any way you like, but they must be your words.  Tell us how life has given you a reality slap, or tell us about someone who needs this book, or tell us why you would really love it.  You can click on the word ‘comments’ below to be taken to the comment field.
You don’t have to have Dysautonomia to enter.  We all get slapped by reality at some point.

Ts & Cs:
I will notify the winner by email, so you must include your own personal, valid email address to be eligible for winning, this won’t be visible on my blog, only I can see it.
I won’t be using email addresses for any purpose other than notifying the winner.
The prize is as stated and is the product pictured.  It is a brand new paperback copy of the book The Reality Slap: Finding Peace and Fulfilment When Life Hurts by Russ Harris.  Published by New Harbinger Publications.
For your safety, please don’t put your postal address in the comments, if you win I will email you for more details.
I am happy to post to anywhere, so don’t be shy.  Wherever you live, NZ Post can get it to you…

Although I am advertising this competition on my facebook page, I won’t be running it there.  So make sure your comment is entered below this post, in my blog commenting form, on this blog.  Not on facebook.  🙂

Good luck!

PS.  See that Dysautonomia Awareness Bracelet?  My order of bracelets for awareness month next month just arrived.  The winner of this competition will get the bracelet too!  Isn’t that rad!  Gotta be in it to win it!

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