In Your Time

Tonight I’ve been taking it slow, listening to Bob Seger and letting a stressful day fall away.

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On Sunday, I overdid it a bit.

There was blogging, a birthday breakfast, a bike ride, presents, pilates, a few thousand loads of washing (actually only around five, the rest still wait), dinner, a long walk, a bath and bed.  It was the perfect day, the perfect spring weather. It was everything gorgeous. That list of activities in one day was unheard of, for me, before. And because I was in high spirits and feeling invincible, seizing the day and smelling the roses… you know, that kind of amazing day… I overdid it in a rather large way.   It was also daylight savings in our part of the world, where the clocks go forward one hour.  And that means I did all of that in even less time!

On Monday I woke to a familiar feeling. Overnight my muscles had become encased in concrete, my brain invaded with a fog I couldn’t shake. The nausea I was so quick to forget rolled back in over my horizon. I opened my eyes to a day that filled me with fear. Is it back? Are the good times over?

It’s hard not to worry about that. The niggles in the back of my mind as I laboriously mount the stairs.  Stairs I ran up only last week.  It must be the pilates, I think. Yes, that’s it. That’s all. It’s normal.  Yesterday I told the hubster I was feeling a bit below par. It’s the lag from daylight savings, he reassured me. Everyone at work is feeling below par too. That’s what it is.

Tonight he came home and found me looking out my bedroom window from my old perch on the bed. I haven’t been here during the daylight hours for a while. Not feeling this way. The kitchen was a fright, an entire jar of powdered ginger fell and I couldn’t face bending to clean up the mess.  I left it on the floor and came to lie down. My tears surged upwards when he looked at me with those lovely eyes full of concern. Do you think it’s back? he said, his voice quiet.

I hope not.  I’m just taking my time.  A bit slow today,  I said.
And probably, that’s all it is. Just a bit tired. A bit of seasonal lag.

I’d like to be able to feel tired and not worry. I’m trying to focus on taking it easy and breathing through the fears.

This song was on the playlist tonight and it made me feel a bit better. Are any of you out there doing things in your own time tonight?  I wish you a restful night of refreshing sleep.  As Bob Seger says:

And after all
The dead ends and
the lessons learned
After all
The stars have turned to stone
There’ll be peace
Across the great unbroken void
All benign
In your time
…you’ll be fine
In your time.