A Ballet of Pavlov’s Dogs

 

Photo credit: Ron Schmidt www.looseleashes.com
Photo credit: Ron Schmidt www.looseleashes.com

 

My writing mojo has been off leash lately.  It’s gone and done a runner.

I’ve been sick in the more ‘regular’ sense of sickness. One run after another of yucky bugs, bacterial and viral. My third round of antibiotics. It’s nothing compared to how I was before; could be worse. Blah. Still feeling like a germ ball. Thankfully, I’ve had the internet to keep me entertained. Some of my friends on social media post awesome things. Entertaining, political, thought provoking things. Some of the bloggers I read wrote some great stuff this week too. This resonated with me so much. And when I’ve felt too yuck for all of that thinking, there has been that old internet comfort of window shopping for… shoes!  Looking at shoes, dreaming of shoes. I have developed a bit of a passion for shoes, probably due to their scarcity in my big-footed-girl-world.

It's ridiculous and vacuous. I know.(5)

It’s not an interesting thing, but I do love them. So anyway, there I was browsing shoes, in my congested, mouth-breathing, heavy lidded state when I passed a pair that had a style name I recognised; Lexie. The name of one of my son’s fantastic karate senseis (I wonder what the plural for sensei, is?) Lexie is a dignified, wise and fascinating person who is teaching my son so much more than karate.  We think she’s great. I saw the Lexie shoes. I fired off a quick and first-world-shallow message to her facebook account, something along the lines of ‘saw these shoes and thought of you.. tee hee’. And as happens with Lexie, within a few sentences, we were discussing the bigger issues in life. Education is topical today because of this article.   We agree that something needs to change in our schools.  At the end of our quick exchange, she sent me something I HAVE to share with you.

Please watch. Share. This. All the yes. This is exactly what is needed so we can extract the human race, our beautiful, creative, questioning, thoughtful selves, from becoming, as Welby Ing so elegantly put it,
“…a ballet of Pavlov’s dogs”.

Disobedient Thinking.  Intellectual Disobedience. Don’t just sit there, think something.  Ask something. Something all your own. Or something that piggy backs off something someone else thought. Something to transcend shoes and religion and educational beaurocracy.  Because being creative really is the most beautiful precious thing we can do. It’s how problems get solved.

I was never taught that my own disobedient thinking was a “precious thing” but I did learn it.  It was the pathway to my independence, to mental freedom. It was the harbinger of self-knowledge and self-acceptance the beginning of discovery. Ing is so right. I value this precious gift, in myself and in all the children I have ever taught.

Rebels of the world unite!

Karen: Lost in the Fog

Welcome back to the Meet my Peeps Guest Series.

I am so delighted to bring you this post from Karen. IT Professional,  fellow horse lover and chronic illness sufferer, Karen has a hard row to hoe.  She is dealing with all the challenges Dysautonomia throws her way, largely, on her own.  She does however have the wonderful company of her beautiful animal companions. Three very special horses, Meko, Oscar and Bazil, and two personable pups, Kitty and Milly.

Karen is a deeply practical person with a passion for animals and the outdoors.  She lives in beautiful Tasmania. Whenever she can she spends time making the most of her stunning surroundings and the company of her faithful companions; cooking for friends when able and enjoying being part of a close knit community.

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A picture of horses in the dim foggy light of early morning.

I’ve reached the point in my journey of chronic illness where suddenly all of the denial is falling away. As night ends the dawn appears and the reality of my situation arrives quietly, like an early morning winter fog. It’s a cold…desolate…an eerie place to be.

My Specialist, who has gone over and above in his efforts to help, has said there isn’t much more to try. And I have tried to keep those thoughts of reality away, hoping my current trial treatments will be enough to help me to climb out of this latest setback. And always, the hope that perhaps, there will be a magic pill that will suddenly get me back on track to better health.

Lost amongst that fog, I cannot see where my journey will take me and what the future holds for me. Feeling cold and somewhat numb, I realise I need to pull myself together, to prepare myself for when that fog eventually clears. The key words here are ‘Me’ and ‘I’. Not ‘The Specialist’ not ‘The Medication’ not ‘My Friends’. I cannot find them through this fog. So I look down at what I can see….my hands, my arms, my legs, my feet and I realise that they are all I have to help.

All the things that I either can no longer do, or which cause great expense or payback, come to mind. I think of my dreams of being healthy and active again, living life to the fullest. I think of watching it all pass by me, the whole impossibility of the situation, and a few random tears begin to fall. I’m so glad that shrouded by this fog, nobody can see me like this.

And as the fog begins to dissolve, I see clearly what matters to me the most. My beautiful animal companions who worry over me, who are there for me, the ones that offer me a hug when there are some tears or when I just need one. I can give them a better life if my health improves. Walks along the beach, rides along those bush trails, drives to mysterious destinations yet to be discovered. New experiences. This is what I have to work towards and hope for when the sun re-appears.

I muse a little more. I make some plans. I make a decision in the depths of that fog. This is my tipping point. This is where I need to take control of my own health and not expect others to fix it. It’s a wake up call. I promise myself that I will do what I can to climb out of this valley I’m in. I think about how the introspection within the fog has allowed me to centre my thoughts on me. To block the distractions out and decide on a new direction.

As that fog makes way for the bright sunlight and the brilliant day that lies ahead of me. I know I must take advantage of this day to put my plans into action. To reach my goals in life. To climb out of that valley myself.  I know that next time, I will recognise that fog as something beautiful. Knowing that I am in charge of my life and that I got through it before, into the light of a sunny day.

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Meko and I Swimming_In_Swan_Lake
Karen and the magnificent Meko in Swan Lake

 

Picture of a beautiful bay horse face (belongs to Bazil, who belongs to Karen)
The Beautiful Bazil