In Your Time

Tonight I’ve been taking it slow, listening to Bob Seger and letting a stressful day fall away.

Untitled design(4)

On Sunday, I overdid it a bit.

There was blogging, a birthday breakfast, a bike ride, presents, pilates, a few thousand loads of washing (actually only around five, the rest still wait), dinner, a long walk, a bath and bed.  It was the perfect day, the perfect spring weather. It was everything gorgeous. That list of activities in one day was unheard of, for me, before. And because I was in high spirits and feeling invincible, seizing the day and smelling the roses… you know, that kind of amazing day… I overdid it in a rather large way.   It was also daylight savings in our part of the world, where the clocks go forward one hour.  And that means I did all of that in even less time!

On Monday I woke to a familiar feeling. Overnight my muscles had become encased in concrete, my brain invaded with a fog I couldn’t shake. The nausea I was so quick to forget rolled back in over my horizon. I opened my eyes to a day that filled me with fear. Is it back? Are the good times over?

It’s hard not to worry about that. The niggles in the back of my mind as I laboriously mount the stairs.  Stairs I ran up only last week.  It must be the pilates, I think. Yes, that’s it. That’s all. It’s normal.  Yesterday I told the hubster I was feeling a bit below par. It’s the lag from daylight savings, he reassured me. Everyone at work is feeling below par too. That’s what it is.

Tonight he came home and found me looking out my bedroom window from my old perch on the bed. I haven’t been here during the daylight hours for a while. Not feeling this way. The kitchen was a fright, an entire jar of powdered ginger fell and I couldn’t face bending to clean up the mess.  I left it on the floor and came to lie down. My tears surged upwards when he looked at me with those lovely eyes full of concern. Do you think it’s back? he said, his voice quiet.

I hope not.  I’m just taking my time.  A bit slow today,  I said.
And probably, that’s all it is. Just a bit tired. A bit of seasonal lag.

I’d like to be able to feel tired and not worry. I’m trying to focus on taking it easy and breathing through the fears.

This song was on the playlist tonight and it made me feel a bit better. Are any of you out there doing things in your own time tonight?  I wish you a restful night of refreshing sleep.  As Bob Seger says:

And after all
The dead ends and
the lessons learned
After all
The stars have turned to stone
There’ll be peace
Across the great unbroken void
All benign
In your time
…you’ll be fine
In your time.

9 thoughts on “In Your Time”

  1. I started reading with a smile at your incredible day, ended in tears(hmmm, maybe I should not have read this at work…). I know that fear. The “is it back?” or “is it going to happen all over again”. It’s a horrible thing. No, it doesn’t automatically mean that. No need to panic, just yet. But no matter what anyone says, the worry is there.

    But … stopping, resting, breathing through the worry, knowing that’s what you need to do (rather than push through, if you even can) – listening to your body’s request for rest is the best thing you can do.

    Sending you a gentle and healing hug…and a prayer that it is a case of overdoing things, that your body just needs to catch up a little.

    Take heart. xx

  2. Hi Rach Hope by the time you read this you are feeling a bit better. You trying not to sleep all day and me trying to sleep tonight. I hope things even out soon.
    Take care Love T

  3. Rachel, I wish that I could give you a hug. Your last Sunday sounded so good and I don’t think that it is back. Just over did it. But wasn’t it fun? To be busy like that. Rachel, I know that we don’t know each other but believe me when I say that I am praying for you and that you get fully healed. Do you believe in the healing and awesome power of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? I was told by my doctor that I had cancer and only had six months to live. That was 17 years ago this December. Jesus said that he has plans for me. I know that you have it worse off than I do so please keep fighting for the inspires me GREATLY! Take care and I will comment more later. Sincerely, Randy

  4. Hola Rachel, I haven’t been online too much, been battling illness too and having surgery this thursday. I just opened my emails to read your post tonight and I am hoping that things are now on the up and up since you posted this. Sending you much love and hugs from across the miles. XXX

    1. Nats, all the best for your surgery on Thursday, I hope it all goes well and I will be thinking of you all day. I’ve been feeling better since midday. Much more myself! 🙂 Take care and let me know how you get on. X Kia kaha

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *