Hundreds and Thousands

1521719_10153162285630815_8428987546632118258_nHello.  I’ve been having the sort of family weekend I have been dreaming of for a long time.

A normal kind of weekend.

Let’s see… a bit of shed building, a trip to the airport to pick up Ceci, supermarket shopping, baking, a few loads of washing, movie night, a short family bike ride. A bit of blogging.

Did I mention baking?!  I just banged out a double batch of our family’s favourite chocolate cake!  Then I wrapped the individual portions and popped them in the freezer for lunchbox treats! And yes!  That is worth all those exclamation marks! It feels… so good.  I’ve had this enormous well of frustration over the all the mummy tasks I haven’t been able to do; it’s been getting deeper and deeper over the years.  Sometimes I have let myself wallow in it and feel very, very miserable about it. But today I was able to drop the bucket in and start ladelling out some of the overflow, because today, I did a whole mummy task!  It feels like a real achievement, kind of a yardstick of how much better I am feeling.

And as an added bonus, I have a blogging friend who runs a regular instagram baking event.  She calls it #sundaybakingsunday.  I’ve wanted to join the sunday bakers since I first found out about it, but by the time Sundays rolled around, I was always too unwell.  So this Sunday, I baked, and I instagrammed it! I’m not much of an instagrammer, so that felt like a double win. Thanks to having the ‘roids on my side!  Rach on ‘roids is such a different creature to get used to.

She contains all of the latent wishes of the Chronic-ills Rach.  She carries all the internal lists and hopes and pressures. She is determined to use all this Steroidal benefit to good use.  She’s on a mission! But if she is honest, she’s overdoing it a bit.  Probably a lot. She’s been racing around like a crazy thing, trying to ‘catch up’. And so she crashes.  And it’s true, she recovers much faster than she ever did before.  But she’s feeling a bit stressy.  A little overwhelmed.  Probably a lot like the average Mum.

Before Kellie passed away, she and I were talking about how it was going to be when she got better. She said she was afraid she would take wellness for granted. She didn’t want forget the lessons she had learned while she was sick and go back to the busy-ness of life pre-sick.  She wanted to remember what was important. We promised each other that we would keep each other on track.  And I have been thinking about that conversation.

I seriously doubted I would ever feel like this again, you know? Able!  So I wasn’t prepared when it happened. But I am feeling more able, and it is a carnival of possibilities!  I don’t know how long these good effects will last, or if this treatment regime will eventually lose against the ‘thing’ that is attacking my autonomic nervous system. So I am conscious that this time I have on the other side; this feeling-good-ability, is so very, very precious. I don’t want to waste it. So why do I find myself heaping on the pressure? Diving into stressville? Why must I cram so much into each day?  I’m like a starving creature in the face of a feast.  I’m so afraid someone is going to take it all away.

The hubster and I had a chat about that today.  About taking it easy, slowing down.  That maybe I need to “Settle, petal”.  So I am here, on my bed, in my ‘corner office’  …taking some time out to write this little update.  I hope you are having a good weekend too.  I hope there is enough of the relaxation to balance out the tasks.  I hope there’s a little bit of mooching in there somewhere. I hope you are getting the balance right.  I hope we are all remembering what is important.

Regular life has become pretty busy since I was last here!  Slow down you lot!  And you, too, Rach on ‘roids.   🙂  You don’t actually have to do hundreds of thousands of things just because you CAN.

Do you feel overwhelmed by the pace of normal life too?
Are we all just a little bit crazy with all the things we try to get done?
Why do we do that?

20 thoughts on “Hundreds and Thousands”

  1. so great to read the joy of getting to do normal things. But I do hope you are gentle with yourself and don’t push too hard, even though I understand the temptation!

  2. What an uplifting and positive read. To feel more “able” is beautiful and indeed, opens up a realm of possibilities! Happy for you and loved reading this positive piece! xx

  3. Hi Rachel,
    I’m glad you are feeling well and enjoying doing all your “normal” mummy things and that you are also taking time out in your corner office. Being Rach on roids must be a good feeling and to get things done and cross things off our list is also satisfying for sure. We are crazy human do-ers rather than human be-ers-no idea why;) have a wonderful week x

  4. Oh gosh! I feel like this all the time – and so unnecessarily. I don’t know why I do it to myself! But I am SO glad you are feeling well enough to feel this way (if you know what I mean 😉 ) I’m so, so pleased for you. I think it’s completely understandable to a little nutso after so long feeling so bad. But it’s good that you and the hubster have talked and you’ve recognised you can be well and still slow down too. That’s good. It’s all so good. Long may it continue! Big love to you and yours. xx

  5. When you think you are over doing things my sister….pause and make that cup of tea and call and have a chat, it will do you wonders. X x

  6. Hi Rach on Roids. What an exciting post to read. So pleased you have some ‘get up and go’. Your are right you need to pace yourself. Maybe a trip over the ditch is on the cards! <3 YOU

  7. You sum everything up so beautifully. Not quite the same situation but I was on bed rest during my second pregnancy. Every mom promises to be good and rest after being released from the hospital, but it’s a big fat lie 😉 so hard to not race about! But it’s necessary, just have to find a way that you feel good about. Schedule down time for yourself then own it like the rock star you are.

    1. Thanks Stephanie! I am working on making myself stop and rest regularly. As mums we do tell porkies about taking it easy, especially to ourselves! Somehow the kids always come before resting!

  8. Great post. I think we all put ourselves under pressure to do ‘stuff’, to achieve. I love the phrase ‘settle petal’ and the idea of setting aside time to mooch. I’m going to set aside time to mooch this weekend! I can totally relate to wanting to do everything,now, while you feel able though. I think baking can be mooching too 🙂

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